Cavy's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Cavy [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

hi [05 May 2008|12:17am] its been over a year since i've updated this. i dont really know if i'll actually use this, i like the idea of a journal but find written ones to be a bit more personal, however im finding it hard to make time every day to write. right now, i cant really sleep and i dont feel like working even if i should be. right now, im working on a pen and ink illustration of the three little princesses, and a acrylic and thread self portrait...both are very much in the beginning stages. i've been feeling like a last resort lately, second best. i guess all around i just havent been feeling too good, but i guess now that i think about things really havent been that bad. i might as well rant though, thats what this thing is for anyways right? i have a mom who thinks being gay is a mental retardation, a dad who talks to the family pet more than he talks to me, a sister who is thousands of miles away and impossible to get in touch with, a boyfriend who puts his best friend before me, a best friend who is too high all the time to notice that we've drifted apart completely. this is why i stay in bed as much as possible lately, "i'm tired," its a reason to avoid everything. CMNT

[22 Nov 2006|06:29am] Im deciding to write in this because I dont have much else to do. After school today i fell asleep after running 5 miles and then woke up at about 11:30 at night. I really hate when my sleeping patterns get messed up, almost nothing annoys me more. I guess ill just have to stay up tomorrow. Anyways, im off for thanksgiving break this week. I doubt it will be very exciting, but i need a good rest. I feel like the school year is starting to get stressful. Some of my classes are alright, and very easy to handle...and the others are getting so hard, its really frustrating. AP Bio is ridiculous, like we go through a chapter a day and basically have a massive test every lab day. The tests are like 50 multiple choice and 2 five paragraph essays, seriously insane. I hate how we're just expected to be able to handle it. idk, i guess im doing alright though. Im really worried about my art portfolio, i hope its good enough for parsons. I wish that art classes were less often but longer, like 4 hour blocks of time. When im just getting into what im doing, the bell rings and i feel like i hardly get anything done. I always end up taking projects home to work on them because i feel like i cant focus during class. My sister is coming home tomorrow, i cant wait. At the same time, i feel like right before she comes i always get really self conscious, thinking about what she will think about me. Its weird how important my family's approval is to me. I hate dissapointing my sister/mom/dad. My aunt is coming for thanksgiving too, to be honest, she isnt very exciting. She is pretty interesting though, she travels alot. She has always said that i remind her of herself, because im always thinking. She said that im always thinking, but never say alot. I dont know if thats true. I cant figure out if i like highschool or not, i dont know if im enjoying it. Its such a mix of highs and lows. This year ive gotten alot closer to alot of the senior class. I dont know if its a good thing because i should be talking to people in my own grade, because what will i do next year. I wish i had a few more close friends. I mean, a good amount of people know me, but i feel like its hard for me to connect with people my own age. I think thats why i act kind of reserved sometimes. I wish i didnt. Lately, i've been feeling really short. Like as in literally. I dont know why because im like 5'10" but still, i always feel like im really short. I dont think i have very good posture, i hate that. I wish i was taller. At my last check up my doctor said i might have messed up my growth by losing weight. That makes me really mad, i wonder if i would be taller now if i didnt lose alot of weight. Anyways, who knows since im only 16. Guys grow well into their early twenties. I hate how i let people get on my nerves so much. This winter im doing track and hopefully the play, it should be interesting juggling the two. The play this year is the crucible. I dont know how enthused i am about that. Im really happy im joining track though. I think im going to go for middle distance right now. Ive gotten pretty good and can run like 5 miles in 25-30 minutes. Coach Langan was so surprised when i asked him for a form for track. I really did nothing in his gym class. I love proving people wrong. Since i've been using facebook, ive started talking to highlands kids alot more. I wonder how I would be different now if i went to highlands, like who i would be friends with and stuff. my alarm just went off, its so loud. 1 CMNT

[08 Oct 2006|04:17am] um the director of activities and president just had sex in my house CMNT

[11 Apr 2006|10:22pm] i miss you. baby boi you stay on my miiind ♥ goddess CMNT

hm [09 Apr 2006|09:28pm] i never post in this, but this is worth it and i want to make sure i always remember. wow O_O♥ iwantiwantiwantiwantiwantiwant acting class just got alot better. and im going out in january to LA to talk to agents! w00t CMNT

mary houlihan [09 Jan 2006|07:28pm] wtf. why dont we talk? 2 CMNT

[02 Jan 2006|09:55pm] when i fall in love it will be forever or i'll never fall in love in restless world like this is love is ended before its begun and too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun when i give my heart it will be completely or i'll never give my heart and the moment i can feel that you feel that way too is when i fall in love with you idk. life is scary. =[ ♥ CMNT

[24 Dec 2005|12:09am] Invalid video URL. its like therapy. CMNT

[08 Dec 2005|11:33pm] :D! CMNT

[06 Dec 2005|09:48pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] x0O laura loo: but ive decided to stop hating becasue its not our fault we are "really really ridiculously good looking " x0O laura loo: haa x aboutBOY: lmfao x aboutBOY: well i say x aboutBOY: hateawayyyy bitches! x aboutBOY: lol im so bad x0O laura loo: LMAOO x0O laura loo: yeah you are ;] x aboutBOY: hahaha x0O laura loo: okay so i realized today that we only spend about 4 mintues in total talking to one another throughout the day ; [ x aboutBOY: i know x aboutBOY: its tres depressing:[ x0O laura loo: i know tell me about it x0O laura loo: but greg always gives me smack about how i spend too much time with kristy and lia anway x0O laura loo: lol "smack" cool word x aboutBOY: hahaha x aboutBOY: smack x0O laura loo: hhaaaaa x aboutBOY: LOL EXACTLY x0O laura loo: thats FUNNYYY x aboutBOY: mhm x0O laura loo: lo lwe're dorks smack? hahaha lauren you're REDICULOSUSUSSUSUUSISSISUSISUSUSUSUS ♥ CMNT

[05 Dec 2005|05:47am] [ music | IDK, its on some kids myspace, its soooo good ] i might start using this again. idk. its appealing. so i hate chemistry. alot. and i want it to snow tonight tomorrow morning. cause i want the snow days. :] someone dissapointed me alot yesterday >_> BUT someone made me insanely [out of the world.heh.] happy yersteday. :D! CMNT

[02 Dec 2005|03:41pm] people who barely know me talk about me. WTF. "well, people need something to talk about" haha i love brit. um so. i got the part of Trofsky or something in the winter play. haha i think the show itself is called Trofsky :D. Mr fran asked me during lunch why i didnt try out and told me to come to callbacks even though i didnt try out. lol. 2 CMNT

[28 Oct 2005|06:19am] [ music | BASEMENT JAXX♥ ] Time goes by so slowly for those who wait No time to hesitate Those who run seem to have all the fun yea. fucking rush rush. && i like it. 1 CMNT

[22 Sep 2005|09:34pm] hi im spreading myself around the country. its cute. bye. o.c. = madd good. 2 CMNT

[24 Aug 2005|12:35am] [ mood | content ] [ music | the verve "bittersweet symphony" ] awww, i had such an awesome night. so first, meredith came to pick me up and we drove all around bergen county. we just blasted music and had an awesome time. then we stopped at the goodwill store to see if we could find anything that was cool. lol, we didnt find a thing. goodwill stores have so many shiny shirts. its crazy. i liked the homeware section the best. we are just like looking around and then i hear meredith squeal. lmfao she found a cup. like a guy's sports cup. hahahah it was so funny. and then we drove around some more, she showed me her house and we went to starbucks. we then drove back to allendale and she dropped me off. then i was online, and i started to talk to briana. we decided to go out to dinner at ab&g. ashleigh came too:D we had the funniest time there, like honestly we couldnt stop laughing. then we went to eckerds, and we were just looking around. so briana is all like "hey i wonder if this stuff works" so i open a bottle and spray this leg stuff on her leg. then a worker person like sprints down the aisle. and is yelling "excuse me what are you doing" hahaha im just like, "uhh nothing" she was really intense. she made us buy the can of leg stuff. it was so funny, we laughed so hard. then we went to dq. we went to the bathroom and we sprayed the leg stuff on briana. it made her legs so dark tan. hahahhaha, omg it looked so out of place. after, we walked to briana's house. lee [briana's bf] called because he was at a stystem of a down concert. he is very cool. then we were just singing at the top of our lungs. when we got to brianas we made a mix cd of a whole bunch of songs we liked. then we went out to her pool and just hardcore danced to music. it was so much fun. we pretended we were at a club. awesome. then we just put on some chill music, and started talking and just being really calm, we just sat by brianas pool, an yea good times:D then lee came, and we all talked for a bit. then lee drove me home. it was fun. deff a good day. 3 CMNT

[23 Aug 2005|02:25am] [ mood | numb ] [ music | "breathe me" sia ] help, I have done it again i have been here many times before hurt myself again today and, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame be my friend hold me, wrap me up unfold me i am small i'm needy warm me up and breathe me ouch I have lost myself again lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, yeah I think that I might break i've lost myself again and I feel unsafe be my friend hold me, wrap me up unfold me i am small i'm needy warm me up and breathe me be my friend hold me, wrap me up unfold me i am small i'm needy warm me up and breathe me CMNT

[23 Aug 2005|12:43am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | "dont lie" black eyed peas ] ughhh. i feel like i have everything is sort of out-of-whack. like idk, im always to afraid to bluntly ask people how they are feeling, and i always feel annoying if i do ask, because it almost seems needy. so then i am left here, trying to feel out everybodies emotions. i dont really know, ughhhh. im really confused right now. like nothing seems to be black and white. which i guess i should learn to deal with. why are humans such complex creatures?! 6 CMNT

[18 Aug 2005|10:13pm] [ music | black eyed peas "my humps" ] today was nice:D i woke up like 11-ish. then i went out to lunch with vanessa, colleen, and dave. we went to the cheesecake factory, yum. i still have the rest of my food in the fridge lol. its so good:D we went to the one in riverside square, so went to saks and looked around and just browsed. then colleen left. so then we went back to our house, dave picked up his car. vanessa and i went to newark airport to pick up my dad. thennn, i just hung out at home for a bit. i got a call from james, he invited me a party but i already had plans D: he also invited me to archer tomorrow, alot of people are going so i guess i will too. ummm, yea so morgan called me yesterday, and she was all "long time no talk!?" lol, i havent talked to her in like a year. but we went to palisades and met up with another kid name matt hayman. he was cool. we just hung out and got dinner...just sort of walked around. and now im home. 2 CMNT

[17 Aug 2005|10:29pm] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | poloroid "so damn beautiful" ] mmm. i saw crash again. i love that movie, im up to see it again. lol, it really gets to me. like one part. [the whole movie is based on racism/prejudice. and like how opinions are just formed, and how we have them without really thinking about it] okay so. actually im not going to write about it, because its kind of controversial and could be taken the wrong way. mmm:D but yea, its a really powerful movie. other than that tonight was really incomfortable, i dont know why. one of those nights where im just like on a different page compared to the people im with. eh oh well... mmm, im talking to sandy on the phone right now:D alright, im going to get water. bye CMNT

[17 Aug 2005|12:09pm] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | "technologic" daft punk ] mmm, the sun is back. i think im going to lay in it or something. idk yet. with a book and water. wait no, lemonade. yeaaaaa:D crash tonight apparently? alright! 2 CMNT

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